Fast and Furious: Mexico Twist

Paul Walker would be rolling over in his Hollywood grave, or perhaps turning over on Vin Diesel if he could read what was going on in Washington the past few days.

Thats because President Obama's recent executive order is being compared to a Nixonian-like political measure to "cover up" documents. These documents may hold insight into a complex scheme involving the exchange of weapons to Mexican cartel gangs, many of which reappeared in border towns and the United States at crime scenes.

While giving guns to Mexican cartel gangs may sound like a good idea at first, consider the fact that Mexicans still live in the United States, and will probably remain here until Mitt Romney is able to finally fully export them back to Mexico.

Mr. Obama's response is the same that its been since his days as a high school nerd:

Stress wearing on Romney during high-risk small town tour

Mitt Romney has taken to his first real election tour, choosing a high-stress, completely random small town tour, speaking to crowds in Ohio and Pennsylvania, among others, drawing a widely-varying mix of middle-aged, blue collar white people.

Romney was perhaps most well-received in Wisconsin, where newly re-elected Governor Walker gave him away. As the 45th Governor of Wisconsin, Walker wished Romney luck in becoming the 45th President of the United States.

But the road ahead will be difficult. Take it from Jessie Spano.

And with future plans to perhaps even speak in towns and cities with black and latino residents, Romney's stress level may far exceed Spano's. It may approach Bill O'reilly from Inside Edition.

Needless to say, the Romney campaign is tightly monitoring Mr. Romney's stress-levels as he operates in high-risk towns like Janesville, Wisconsin, 95.25% white, and mainly a manufacturing town with the majority of residents having achieved less than a college degree.

Miami's Cannibal a sign of what's wrong with the Left

On Saturday, May 26th, Rudy Eugene, 31, got into a heated argument with Ronald Poppo. What ensued was captured on video, and can only be described as a Zombie-like cannibalistic attack. The encounter ended when police were forced to shoot and kill Mr. Eugene after he had eaten and mangled Poppo's face.

While drugs called "bath salts", the new LSD that can be snorted, injected or swallowed, causing crazy, violent reactions, are part of the blame, the underlying cause is clearly the extent to which the Occupy Movement has brought out the true nature of liberals around the country.

"This cannibal, this guy down in Florida, he's more in common with the Occupy movement than he does any other group in this country. The same kind of perverted stuff goes on, maybe not cannibalism, but i mean you've got every other example of human depravity going on within the Occupy movement." - Rush Limbaugh


And to make matters worse, the year is 2012, and President Obama could actually become re-elected as the President of the United States, both clear signs of a zombie-like apocalypse.

However, Mr. Obama clearly does not seem convinced. A new popular theory emerging is that of a government conspiracy, an experiment to see if it is capable to make people get so high and crazy that they are capable of eating faces, which would obviously lead to more votes for Obama.

"This was a govt experiment gone wrong. Won't be hearing much about it anytime soon and anything you do will fall in line with what is already tossed out......evil drugs made him do it. I was around plenty of pot smoking and any other number of drugs when I was younger and nobody ever ate anybody's face off." - Random Internet Expert, Read more: http://www.city-data.com/forum/politics-other-controversies/1591445-miami-cannibal-attack-horrific-dangers-2.html#ixzz1wgp3riiZ

You see, chemists with their Ph.Ds spend government money to research the effects of chemicals on getting people to go crazy, in turn, receiving less funding by the government which, well, basically then makes zombies eat the faces of republican voters. Its the same as contrails, just another example of our federal government trying to regulate and protect us with our money while secretly trying to kill us, impeding the philanthropic activities of Oil companies, wall street banks, and the Wal-Marts of the world.

"Thats Gay" - Charles Worley's Plan would never work

Lets get this straight...Charles Worley, the anti-gay pastor from N.C. thinks we can get rid of gays by quarantining them until they fail to reproduce and all go away. While I think we can all agree its a great plan on paper, it would never work, and here's a few reasons why.

1. Fence Construction:
I'd assume the electrification of the fence would rely on some computer program making sure that the security and integrity of the fence are kept in tact. But gays are excellent computer programmers, bloggers, techies. It wouldn't take more than a few days until they figured out how to de-electrify the fence, or blogged to their friends for an escape route, thus escaping and trickling back into the general population. If they stopped wearing jorts and belly shirts we'd probably never be able to round them all up again even if we did restore the fence.

2. Site Location:
Where would we locate all of these gays. I'd assume there be a huge NGIMBY (no gays in my backyard) campaign. Much like cellphone and electric towers causing cancer, a massive assembly of gays would certainly cause Gay. I don't know about you, but I don't want to come down with that disease. I'm perfectly fine shopping at Target and eating Mcdonald's twice a week. Also, would you want to hear the Jonas Brothers belting over an electric fence all day and night? Don't think so, NGIMBY!

3. Family Uprising:
Think of all the families that would be up in arms when they go to their family reunion and their gay uncle is not there. You know, the one who makes inappropriate comments and sneaks all you under 21ers wine coolers?

4. Vocabulary
Some of the best curse words in our modern vocabulary would no longer be usable. Phrases like "Thats gay" would mean "thats removed, foreign, desolate", and "you're a fa**ot" would come to mean "you are someone who receives meals by helicopter inside an electric fence". What kind of message are we sending to our children if we take homophobic slurs out of their vocabulary. And why should it be ok to keep using racial slurs but not gay ones? Wheres the funding for mexican and black fences going to come from?

Despite Charles Worley's cogent, in-depth plan to irradicate the world of gays, it appears that it is a little short-sighted. What Charles Worley has succeed in doing is shining a light on a unifying issue. We're all aware of how serious a plague the gays are. Never did we have this fear in the days of Oscar Wilde, Thoreau, and Tchaikovsky. But for now, Mr. Worley, your plan is a little 'gay'.

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